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Author
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Topic: Dudes and Dudettes... (and Lee/ Mez too)
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Tangento
VoivodFan
Member # 117
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posted October 23, 2010 16:29
    
(first off, this is one bitch of a long-winded post, and contains very sad and personal information. No one will think any less of you if you read no further, and no one will be bothered if you read any part of it and decide not to respond)Hey man, no one has probably noticed, but I'm in the midst of one of my long absences around here. 2010 will go down as the worst year of my life for many reasons, not the least of which is that I just lost my Mother on Wednesday. She had been fighting hard & well against pancreatic cancer, and suddenly, in the space of one week, it all went downhill fast. Listen: I AM NOT here for sympathy or for attention-grabbing motives, I am here only to relay a lesson we all usually learn when it's too late. As I sit here 1500 miles away from where my Mom died, creating this awesome multimedia slideshow for a funeral I can't attend, I had a thought: My Mom would have loved this thing; why in the hell didn't I do something like this for her when she was ALIVE? Sure I called her at least once a week, made some video phone calls to her with my daughter, and spent my meager retirement money last year to drive my daughter out to Cali to see her. (for our second visit; the first being in 2006) But now that my Mom is gone, all of the things I COULD have done for her have become all the things I can NEVER do. There is lesson #1, which I have indeed learned before, but never seem to utilize often enough. This brings me to part 2 of the worst nightmare year of my life, with Lee and his new baby on my mind. (and congratulations dude) I wrote the following on another forum back in August. quote:
August 11, 2010 (this is an entry from the autobiography/ journal I was working on at the time, for my 10 year old daughter to read later in her life) I have abruptly postponed the rest of my babbling about the past, because tonight my most horrid, gnawing nightmare has partially manifested itself. My dearest, sweetest daughter has been diagnosed with a very serious brain disorder, which will almost inevitably require open brain surgery, and this on an emergency basis. If I wrote down the words to describe every second of my life... every single event, occurrence, mistake, regret, loved one, every joy and every loss or calamity, it would all lead to this moment. I have been sobbing uncontrollably almost non-stop for the last hour, since I dropped my dearest baby girl at her Momma's. All Summer long, our "week long, minimum" visit has been cut short by this and that. This time, nothing else in the Universe means a thing; nothing compares to this. All of her life I have uttered every conceivable prayer in my most heartfelt hope of a long, healthy, happy, productive, fulfilling and meaningful life for her, and I would this very second give my own life and all I own to make those prayers become a reality. Everyone's heard the cliche "no one has ever loved their child like I love mine". Well, it's as true and real for me, and for everyone who's ever spoken it, as the Earth and the rising Sun. Please, Dear God, let our child make it through this, and keep my prayer alive. I want there to be entries in that wonderful dream book of hers dated at least 2085. My sweetie, my dearest, bravest darling, my smart, talented, humble and ever-loving child, our little warrior and my Hero of Time, my special-est Kenzie Rose May... that's cuz' I Love You, more than a million, trillion, zillion infinities, all the way outside and around the Universe, no backs, forever and ever.
Anyway folks, the brain disorder I spoke of is called an AVM. It is a rare (1 in 100,000) malformation, in which the arteries and veins in a particular area do not form correctly during development in the womb. It can go undetected for up to 30 years or longer, (in this case it did for 10) until one day the person can have a massive stroke or massive aneurysm, and be rendered severely disabled or even die. In this case, misdiagnosed migraines led her mother to be persistent and seek out more answers. If she hadn't done that, we may have found out the hard(er) way. But we are not out of the woods yet, by any stretch of the imagination. Kenzie's surgery is this coming Wednesday, and they will be removing the right occipital lobe of her brain (vision center) which was non-developed and contains the AVM. Amazingly, her eyesight functions developed elsewhere early on, and she has grown up with better than perfect vision. That is, they are reasonably sure that her vision developed elsewhere. Among the many risks of this operation is the possibility of any given level of vision loss. All I'm asking here is 2 things: a. please send your most positive vibes/ wishes/ prayers our way this week, and b. hug your Mom, hug your kid and do something special for the ones you love, and above all else -- do it while they are here to enjoy it. A/T 
My mom in 2007, her only visit to Minnesota.
You'd never meet a kinder, more patient &
unselfish woman. 
My fave of Kenzie, 2005 
My mom, my daughter and my sister, during that same visit to MN 1n 2007.
We were on the Mississippi for a Riverboat day cruise. 
If you're keeping count, Kenzie's only been able to spend time with my California family, in person, 3 times in her whole life.
There's a lyric from one of my favorite old bands... "Well, I'll wrap myself in cities I travel
I'll wrap myself in dreams
I'll wrap myself in solitude
But I wish I could wrap myself
In thee." THIS is the stuff that matters the most when it's all said and done. -------------------- "You have the option to drill additional holes in the label,
causing the record to rotate off the side of the turntable" -Tom Ellard - Severed Heads
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Slaytanic
VoivodFan
Member # 28
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posted October 24, 2010 09:35
It's been a long time now, but I also suffered from the loss of my mother, one of the three people I loved the most in this planet, and I can imagine the kind of situation you've been through lately, Tangento. Sixteen years have passed and I still get emotional while thinking of her. My condolences for your loss.BTW, my own hard time made me learn that lesson, to cherish the moments I spend with my beloved family (mainly my father, who's still alive and well, and my wife) and friends while I can. No wiser advice could be given. Last but not least, here's hoping that everything goes well with your daughter. -------------------- "Forty-five moments of perfection translated through a cautionary escape into the perils of the mundane, the inherent entropy in ultimate order, and the potential threats of eternal, unchecked apathy in civilization; all cloaked in musical expression so thoughtful, creative and forward thinking that almost a quarter-century later, few can even comprehend it, much less match it." (autothrall)
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Tangento
VoivodFan
Member # 117
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posted October 26, 2010 06:42
Thanks everyone, for all the kind words and positive thoughts. I feel extremely awkward even starting a thread like this.It's sad and tragic as hell to lose your mom, but it is a part of the normal cycle of life. But to watch your innocent little daughter have to go through such a fucking horror... it's just so against ...everything. -------------------- "You have the option to drill additional holes in the label,
causing the record to rotate off the side of the turntable" -Tom Ellard - Severed Heads
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Väinämöinen
VoivodFan
Member # 27
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posted October 26, 2010 14:23
I'm very sorry to hear about your mom Tangento. You have my condolences. I have two daughters (8 and 12 years) and I can only guess how dreadful it must be for you right now. I'll be keeping your family in my prayers, and I sincerely hope that the operation will be a complete success and that your little daughter will recover fully. I'm sure she will outlive all of us old metalheads by decades. Also, I think bringing up these subjects on this board is not something you should feel awkward about. I'd have done the same. Here's wishing all the luck in the world to you! -------------------- Tomorrow is the fear
Tomorrow disappears
Tomorrow is the fear
We are connected...
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Tangento
VoivodFan
Member # 117
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posted October 26, 2010 23:11
Wow man, you guys & gals are truly top-notch. There is a new development with my daughter. The neurosurgeon himself called my ex-wife today to let her know that there was a scheduling error, and that the surgery will not be tomorrow. As it turns out, Kenzie will indeed require an embolization (pump gunk into the stray artery, creating blockage) prior to the the removal of the occipital lobe. Once the embolization takes place, the rest will follow within 24-48 hours, so she will end up staying in the hospital for a total of 7-10 days straight. The neurosurgeon did have some very encouraging news about the prospect of vision loss, and had massive praise for Kenzie's handling of the functional MRI last month. (in which the patient must lie perfectly still in that gigantic magnet for 1 1/2 hours, performing tedious little tasks) He said she did better than any other patient he's ever seen, adult or child. ANYWAY, I'm telling you all this so you folks can be on alert for the 'mega-good vibe sendout' mobilization sometime in the next week or 2. Thanks again everyone, your words really mean a great deal to us.  -------------------- "You have the option to drill additional holes in the label,
causing the record to rotate off the side of the turntable" -Tom Ellard - Severed Heads
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Tangento
VoivodFan
Member # 117
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posted October 27, 2010 19:30
quote:
Originally posted by Väinämöinen:
My eight-year-old asked me who I was writing to yesterday when I was replying to this thread. After I explained your daughter's situation to her she told me I should have put lots of "thumbs up" emoticons in the message to cheer you guys up, but since I didn't know how to do that she opted for this:  (had to remove the smileys so I could add the thumbs) That's her way of saying "get well soon"!
Please tell your daughter that we all say thanks.  That was very thoughtful of her.
(kids are so awesome at that age)
quote:
Originally posted by Maldororz:
Reading all of this, I just feel like hugging them, like, RIGHT FUCKING NOW. 
That's the idea man... Thanks again to Simon, Cthon & all the rest of you. -------------------- "You have the option to drill additional holes in the label,
causing the record to rotate off the side of the turntable" -Tom Ellard - Severed Heads
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