There is no need to reply to this, but feel free to if you wish. I just need to write down the events of my night & morning. Yesterday at work, while making various deliveries through the Twin Cities, I still knew only that Denis was "very ill". During the day, my thoughts kept returning to him, and the nagging intuition that the cancer had returned. When I got home in the late afternoon, I went straight to my computer and this site, and here the bad news was waiting for me. "Inoperable". "Palliative Care Ward". Devastation.
I had agreed to take third shift (graveyard) that same night and needed to rest, but I could not. All I could think about was Piggy, my favorite of all the rock guitarists I've worshipped over the years -- dying in some hospital a trillion miles away. I'm sure you all know about that powerless feeling.
Anyway, I logged back on at 11:00 PM, and throughout the night I thought about nothing else. I tried to listen to the Piggy jams that I had re-downloaded, but it was too depressing for me at the time. A bit of Monty Python cheered me up for a minute or two here & there, but it was a very difficult night. After my crap 5 hours sleep the night before and nearly 20 hours of driving in one day, I was almost completely exhausted and bordering on fatigue by the time my shift came near an end at 6:30 AM. This was when I said a prayer for Denis, not realizing he was already gone.
One of the things in my life that I've done few enough times to count on two hands is saying a prayer. I prayed that he would somehow beat this cursed fucking thing, and then added that if he could not, that he would go without pain. As I said the prayer, I felt honestly moved, and for a few brief moments Denis actually seemed like my own brother. It was something I'll never be able to properly describe.
On my way home, about a 15 mile drive from my last drop, (which just happened to be at a hospital) I was heading up U.S. Highway 10 towards Blaine when I noticed a very small concentration of rain to the Northwest, in the direction of my new home. The sky was mostly clear otherwise, and the sunrise was breathtaking. As I drew closer to home, I noticed the rainbow for the first time.
If there is one phenomena I have seen few enough times in my life to count on ONE hand, it's a good, clear-cut, quality rainbow. This was the most brilliant and long-lasting of them all, and infact I was able to see it for the next 15 minutes or so. What really threw me for a loop was the fact that it was directly in front of me all the rest of the way home. When I got to my apartment, it was almost directly overhead and I could still see it clearly. I was filled with emotion as I stared into the deep colors & thought about hope for my temporal brother. It wasn't until about 1 hour ago that I woke up & learned the final news.
Call me nuts if you want; but I'm here to tell you that rainbow was PIGGY, or at least a part of him, saying "goodbye" & "all's well".
My thoughts are with all of Denis' family, loved ones and bandmates past & present, and with the rest of my Voivod Fan brothers & sisters. The music world will never be quite the same.
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"You have the option to drill additional holes in the label,
causing the record to rotate off the side of the turntable"
-Tom Ellard - Severed Heads
posted August 27, 2005 19:48
posted March 06, 2006 00:23
